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I’m Sorry

by Adam Zack — March 27, 2024

There are three parts to a good amends

There is an art to apologizing. No, I shouldn’t say art, because that implies that with a lot of practice and natural talent, you have become really good at something. Being sorry so often that you have become a professional apologizer is not something you brag about. As essentially good people, we are trying to behave in thoughtful ways that don’t require frequent apologies. But we all screw up. Whether intentional or not, we all do and say things that hurt or offend others. And when we do that, as good people, we need to atone for our transgressions in a meaningful way. Love grows from forgiveness, and true repentance heals both the transgressor and the victim. Where things get sticky, and can result in prolonged grief and bad feelings, is an apology that sounds insincere or is not specific. “Sorry I made you mad” doesn’t quite cut it. “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive” is an insult. I read a lot, and a recent “Ask Amy” advice column in the newspaper (yes, some people still read the newspaper, but we are a dying breed) addressed making amends:

“There are three parts to a good amends: (1) tell them what you did (in other words, take r...

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Money

by Adam Zack — March 20, 2024

“That all takes money.”

As much as we like to tell ourselves that we work because of our passion for what we do, the real reason we all work is money. It sounds crass, but it’s true. Bills have to be paid. We need to eat. We like to do fun things, drive a car we like, go on vacation occasionally, and provide for our families. That all takes money. Businesses have to be profitable. It all boils down to earning money to pay for everything. There’s a fine line between earning money and recognizing why we do it and letting it overtake everything else. I know a man who prioritizes his money more than anything. More than his family, more than his friends, more than everything else in his life. It struck me as so odd, that this man who is worth at least ten million dollars, lets nearly every conversation lead to the discussion of how much things cost and how he only goes places when he can get a deal. He’s retired, with no commitments and still will only go places when the hotel rates are low or it’s happy hour at the restaurant. He’s not selfish at all, yet it’s evident that money is his first love. I see it and tell myself that if I ever am rich, I won’t be like that. Don’t get me wrong, everyone who works hard for their money should watch ove...
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Just a Chip

by Adam Zack — March 13, 2024

“… show them” that they were wrong.

For a very long time I have felt that holding a grudge and never forgiving is one of the biggest contributors to your own personal misery. Not letting go of the slights and infractions brought against you by some a-hole ultimately just keeps the negativity within your own personal sphere. Like shooting a slingshot inside the Cone of Silence, it only bounces back and keeps hurting you. Contrary to what most people think, forgiveness is not saying that how you were wronged, or who wronged you, is OK. It’s moving past it – letting it go. So when the theory that having a chip on your shoulder is actually a good thing was told to me, I was conflicted. Chip on your shoulder means you’re holding a grudge. It means that you’re daring someone to knock it off your shoulder so you can beat the crap out of them, or more eloquently, get your revenge. It’s a negative emotion that motivates you to be better.Some great athletes cite a chip on their shoulder as their motivation to achieve ultimate success. Tom Brady is the one that comes to mind first. He was picked number 199 in the 2000 NFL draft in round six. He felt he was better than that, and he was obviously right, but he used that as personal motivation to sh...
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Help

by Adam Zack — March 6, 2024

Adam

“How can I help?”

(Help)I need somebody
(Help) not just anybody
(Help) you know I need someone, help
– The Beatles
There’s a movie from 1958 called The Fly. It starred Vincent Price and is the story of a scientist who invents this machine that teleports objects from one place to another. Not wanting to stop with just objects, he experiments with animals and finally people. The experiment goes terribly wrong when a common fly gets in the teleporting chamber as it’s about to transport the scientist. The result at the other end is a man with a fly’s head and a fly with a man’s head. The most memorable line is the fly-bodied tiny monstrosity screaming in a tiny fly-sized voice “Help meeee! Help meeee!” It’s a phrase that’s been repeated in reference to the film for decades, and you always picture that tiny fly with the human head. Of course, by then, it’s too late to help the fly-man, and the only help that could possibly be given is a quick smack with the fly swatter.More often today, asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. Very often in our grocery business (and pretty much in any business) we avoid asking for help. Even when help is offered – “Let me know what I can do to help.” “If yo...
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Change

by Adam Zack — February 28, 2024

“Long term change (think of it more as evolution) is not a young man’s concern.”

I’ve beaten the topic of necessary change nearly to death. Beaten it like a rented mule. Like a redheaded step-child. Like an expense account rental car. I believe in necessary change wholeheartedly, but, come on man, move along. So I am not going to write about change, I am going to write about the effects of change. Because whether we are choosing to be proactive about it or just ignore it, the long-term effects are going to be there. Long term change (think of it more as evolution) is not a young man’s concern. He thinks “What can I do today that will help me tomorrow? Immediate change and gratification are the concerns. I think our business is a lot like that too. We want to effect change through our actions, and we want to see and measure the results right away.As a young man I never thought the slow change of evolution would affect me. I looked at my grandpa and wondered why his earlobes were so big? He always had a receding hairline, right? I didn’t know him any other way. And how about that hair growing in his ears? Gross. To me these weren’t changes, it was how he always was. Surely he’d always used Brylcreem on his hair and Old Spice aftershave. He...
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Loyalty

by Adam Zack — February 21, 2024

Adam

“But loyalty only goes so far…”

loy·al
adjective
giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.
“loyal service”
How loyal are you? I was thinking about how there are many levels of loyalty. A faithful spouse. A fan of your favorite sports team no matter how bad they are. A brand of automobile. The type of mobile phone you use. Even the type of barbecue you will buy. (I am a loyal Weber man.) The type of beer you drink. But how loyal are you to where you get your food? I think Amazon changed a lot of loyal shoppers because they brought something to the table that was easier, faster and cheaper than brick and mortar stores. We like to think we are loyal to our grocery store, especially if it’s independent and family owned. It’s us against the Krogers, Albertsons and Walmarts of the world, right? We gotta stick together! But loyalty only goes so far and so long unless you are giving your customers the intangibles like super friendly service, cleanliness, selection and quality. You may be a little more expensive, but the opportunity you have to make the connection that can influence generations to come. I saw a young mom and her two year old daughter in my store on Monday. ...
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The Dirty Work

by Adam Zack — February 14, 2024

We may have to do the dirty work ourselves

Every time I go to a public restroom, especially in an airport, sports stadium or busy restaurant, I think that the job of cleaning the bathroom would be the worst job ever. I hate cleaning my own bathroom, and I know the origin of those splatters. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Not worst because the boss was a dick or it was super low pay, worst because it involved duties that were really disgusting. Back in the 80’s we had a maintenance man/janitor in one store named Jerry Hale. He worked for us until his retirement around 2011. One of Jerry’s monthly duties was to clean out the grease trap in the store. The grease trap captures and holds all the oils and solids that go down the sinks and floor drains. Now for those of you who have never smelled a grease trap when it’s being pumped, think of the very worst fart you have ever smelled and multiply it by ten. There’s a reason that grease traps get pumped at 4:00 in the morning: If your customers smelled that heinous aroma they would not be buying any food from you anytime soon at all.A life-long janitor, Jerry would get down on his hands and knees and scoop out that grease trap by hand, smiling and with a great attitude always. He had lots...
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Perfect Revisited

by Adam Zack — February 7, 2024

And not in the “best of the worst” group.

Some time ago I went on a rant about how “Perfect!” is the most overused response in America today. Everything you do – Perfect! It dilutes the word so much, that no one really has a real idea of what perfection is and if it’s even attainable at all. To me, perfection is more of a goal than actual results. Many people fall very short of even attempting perfection. Their attitude is more “Nobody’s perfect…”. They have compromised attempting perfection before they even start. The bar is lowered from the get-go for them. So while true perfection is rare – think a perfect 10 in Olympic gymnastics, a perfect passer rating in the NFL (158.), or a wine that scores 100 points – attempting perfection is a character trait of your top employees. I think a more relatable way to aim is to be the best. And not in the “best of the worst” group. Being outstanding sounds much more achievable than achieving perfection. In the movie Ford vs. Ferrari (again with the movie references!) race car driver Ken Miles was explaining to his son his driving strategy to drive the perfect lap to win the race. His son said “But you can’t drive the perfect lap every time.”, to which Ken replied “But I can try.” Be a be...
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Everyone’s Better

by Adam Zack — January 31, 2024

Adam

I would never be able to roll like her…

I learned a long time ago that every single person I know is better than me at something. Someone knows more about football than me. Someone ties their shoes better. Someone makes smashburgers better than me. (But not much better, I’m sure!). Someone is a better leader, a better manager, a better driver and brushes their teeth better. You get the point. I realized this when I was a 21 year old college junior and thought I knew it all. I was going to school in London for a semester in the winter of 1985. My roommate and I decided to take a bus to Edinburgh, Scotland for the weekend. The bus ride was one of those red-eye trips that left at something like 10:00 at night and arrived early the next morning. We were the last passengers to board the bus and there were only a couple single seats left. I sat next to this girl and Jeff sat further back next to some old lady. It was about 1:00 a.m. when the girl I was next to pulled out a pouch of tobacco and some rolling papers and rolled a cigarette right there on the bus. She was ready to light it (yes, on the bus!) and asked me if I wanted one. I didn’t smoke much – only sometimes late at night after too many pints at the pub – but I said, sure. I watched her ...
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Timeless Wisdom

by DW Green — January 31, 2024

“The cause of my irritation is not in this person but in me.”

In the mid-twentieth century, there was an Indian Jesuit priest named Anthony de Mello. Born in Bombay when it was still under British control, de Mello was an amalgam of many different cultures and perspectives: East, West; he even trained as a psychotherapist. It’s interesting when one sees timeless wisdom develop across schools, across epochs and ideas. Here is a quote from de Mello’s book, The Way to Love:“The cause of my irritation is not in this person but in me.”Remember, each individual has a choice. You are always the one in control. The cause of irritation—or our notion that something is bad—that comes from us, from our labels or our expectations. Just as easily, we can change those labels; we can change our entitlement and decide to accept and love what’s happening around us. And this wisdom has been repeated and independently discovered in every century and every country since time began.This wisdom or insight came to me quite unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. I had been bemoaning my elder* brother’s negativity. It was making my conversations with him challenging, frustrating and well, just plain irritating. Then out-of-the-blue, I real...
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