DW's Blog

A Selfish Reason To Be Good

by DW Green — August 18, 2021

There is a reason there’s often vomit at crime scenes.

The next time you do something wrong, try to remember how it made you feel. Rarely does one say, “I felt great!”There is a reason there’s often vomit at crime scenes. Instead of the catharsis the person thought they’d feel when they got revenge, they ended up making themselves sick. We feel a version of this when we lie, when we cheat, when we screw someone over.So in that split second before your ill-gotten gains kick in ask: How do I feel about myself? Is that moment when fear rises in your throat because you suspect you may get caught really worth it?Self-awareness and wrongdoing rarely go together. If you need a selfish reason to not do wrong—put yourself in touch with these feelings. They’re a powerful disincentive.

Read More – Obsession

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by DW Green — July 14, 2021

“If you give things more time and energy than they deserve, they’re no longer lesser things.”

In 1997, a psychotherapist named Richard Carlson published a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and It’s All Small Stuff. It quickly became one of the fastest-selling books of all time and spent years on the bestseller lists, ultimately selling millions of copies in many languages.Whether you read the book or not, Carlson’s pity articulation of this timeless idea is worth remembering. Don’t spend your time (the most valuable and least renewable of all your resources) on the things that don’t matter. What about the things that don’t matter but you’re absolutely obligated to do? Well, spend as little time and worry on them as possible.If you give things more time and energy than they deserve, they’re no longer lesser things. You’ve made them important by the life you’ve spent on them. And sadly, you’ve made the important things—your family, your...

by DW Green — July 7, 2021

“What better use could you make of that time?”

The way we nervously worry about some looming bad new is strange if you think about it. By definition, the waiting means it hasn’t happened yet, so feeling bad in advance is totally voluntary. But that’s what we do: chewing our nails, feeling sick to our stomach, rudely brushing aside the people around us. Why? Because something bad might occur soon.The pragmatist, the person of action, is too busy to waste time on such silliness. The pragmatist can’t worry about every possible outcome in advance. Think about it. Best case scenario—if the news turns out better than expected, all this tie was wasted with needless fear. Worst case scenario—we were miserable for extra time, by choice.And what better use could you make of that time? A day that could be your last—you want to spend it in worry? In what other area could you make some progress while others might be sitting on the edges of their seat, passively awaiting some fate?Let the news come when it does. ...

by DW Green — June 29, 2021

Some people think that “choosing your battles” is weak and calculating.

One of the most fundamental principles of martial arts is that strength should not go against strength. That is: don’t try to beat your opponent where they are strongest. But that’s exactly what we do when we try to undertake some impossible task we haven’t bothered to think through. Or we let someone put us on the spot. Or we say yes to everything that comes our way. Some people think that “choosing your battles” is weak and calculating. How could reducing the amount of times we fail or minimizing the number of needless injuries inflicted upon us be weak? How is that a bad thing? As the saying goes, discretion is the better part of valor. It’s called a reasoned choice. That means be reasonable! Think hard before choosing, and make yourself unbeatable.

Read More – What Makes The Grass Greener?

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by DW Green — June 22, 2021

“What things have been holding you back?”

So, we’re in the throes of the NBA Championship. Since I Iive in Arizona, I’m rooting for the Phoenix Suns. They’ve never won an NBA Championship. They were in two Finals before, losing in 1976 and 1993.At five feet three inches tall, Muggsy Bogues was the shortest player ever to play professional basketball. (By comparison in this year’s playoffs, Atlanta Hawks star player Trae Young is 6 feet 1, and very small by NBA standards). Throughout his career, Muggsy was snickered at, underestimated, and counted out.But Bogues succeeded by turning his height into the very thing that made him nationally known. Some people looked at his size as a curse, but he saw it as a blessing. He found the advantages contained within it. In fact, on the court small size has many advantages: speed and quickness, the ability to steal the ball from unsuspecting (and significantly taller) players, to say nothing of the fact that players just plain underestimated him.Could this approach not be useful in your life? What things do you think have been holding you back that,...

by DW Green — June 16, 2021

“Perfectionism rarely begets perfection—only disappointment.”

Psychologists speak of cognitive distortions—exaggerated thinking patterns that have a destructive impact on the life of the patient. One of the most common is known as all-or-nothing thinking (also referred to as splitting). Examples of this include thoughts like:

If you’re not with me, you’re against me.
So and so is all good/bad.
Because this wasn’t a complete success, it is a total failure.

This sort of extreme thinking is associated with depression and frustration. How could it not be? Perfectionism rarely begets perfection—only disappointment.Pragmatism has no such hang-ups. It’ll take what it can get. We’re never going to be perfect—if there is even such a thing. We’re human, after all. Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, however little that it’s possible for us to make.