DW's Blog

Are You Really In Control?

by DW Green — April 10, 2019

Trying to control our lives limits us.

Learning what we can control and what we can’t, makes life’s journey a more pleasant and interesting one.

“The closest thing to being in control we’ll ever be is in that moment when we realize we’re not.” — Brian Kessler

Gustavo Razetti writes the following in an article entitled Control Less, Trust More, “Happiness is about being in charge of your life not controlling every aspect of it.

Not everything that matters can be controlled, and not everything that can be controlled matters.

That’s the paradox with life: we want things our way, yet, most of the times, things take on a life of their own. What if we stop trying to control everything? And start trusting our ability to adapt?

Letting go of control doesn’t mean not caring. But keeping our minds and hearts open — to make room for the unexpected.

As Shakespeare wrote, “Come what come may. Time and the hour runs through the roughest day. One way or another, what’s going to happen is going to happen.” (I like Shakespeare. He’s one insightful dude! My words)

“Being in control might bring you serenity at the expense of driving everyone else crazy.

Control is a defense mechanism to protect our status quo. We are afraid of potential adverse outcomes. By trying to manage how everything works and everyone behaves, we turn our mind into a controlling one.

The paradox of control is that the fear of losing something doesn’t allow us to enjoy what we are trying to protect. Becoming over-protective usually backfires. Behaving as a control-freak harms your relationships — you increase the chance of losing those you love the most.

The fear of a potential loss is natural. But, trying to control our lives limits us. We get stuck in what feels familiar. Thus, we don’t benefit from the magic of life — we can’t make space for surprises or unexpected opportunities.

Epictetus, the Greek Stoic philosopher, wrote “Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.”

Choose how you live your life, what you want to do, and how you want to do it — without the influence of others. Learn to identify what you can change from what you cannot. Don’t try to control what’s beyond your influence — autonomy is about making choices.

Do you want to regain control of your life?

Set yourself free from the need to control everything — what’s going to happen is going to happen.”

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One response to “Are You Really In Control?”

  1. Johnj says:

    DW, just want to say that I enjoy reading your Blogs. I want to thank you for allowing me to share as they are always thought provoking, relieving me from all the day to day happenings that I have absolutely no control over. Thank you my friend!!

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