by Adam Zack — October 16, 2019
It’s good to help, right? People need our help and it makes us feel good to help them. They say, “Thank you, how can I repay your kindness?” We of course defer and say, “No, no, it was my pleasure to help you.” But deep in the blackboard of our mind a mark is tallied, and they now owe us a debt because of our help. When I first heard this analogy last week, I had to step back and really think about it. I always have wanted to help. It feels really good. But does it make the helped feel good? Do they now feel the obligation of owing me one? Something really to ponder. In fact, think of help in terms of The Help. To be referred to as “The Help” immediately conjures up images of a maid, a butler, a driver – some kind of subservient role. No one wants to be referred to as The Help. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen really nails the subject Helping, Fixing or Serving?
I have long had the need to be a fixer. Need advice? I’ll give a solution. Don’t need advice, but just want to talk? I’ll give a solution. Something not working right? I’ll give a solution. I take great pride in being an answer man. The guy who can fix it all – material or not. But in my newfound understanding, fixing immediately implies that something’s broken. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t need to be fixed, right? Well people don’t like to be thought of as broken. In fact, it’s pretty demeaning that they are meant to feel that they need to be fixed AND helped. So my new stand is to be of service. Service demands nothing in return. It keeps no score and it’s never a superior position to whom you are serving. It serves with humility. It has no arrogance and definitely no ego. And it makes me feel good. Better even than helping or fixing.
Filed Under: Company Blog